Tag Archive | mourning

A Man Crying

Hello my beloved readers! I’m grateful to God finally I could spend my time to write my own post again. This post inspired by a conversation between my husband and his friend some time ago. I hope and pray this post could be a blessing to all of us. Thank you very much to the all loyal readers who always visit and read my blog posts.

“As the only man and the eldest brother in family, I shouldn’t show my grief and shouldn’t cry. A mam must be strong!! This word came out from a best friend of my husband who some time ago just lost his beloved mother. Then my husband said, “But actually you are very sad and want to cry, right?”  My husband’s friend replied, “I cannot lie to myself. Yes, actually I am very sad and want to cry to express my sorrow. But you know, since childhood my parents have taught that men should be strong and should not be whiny.”

My dear friends, I kept quiet during the conversation. Those conversations made me thinking and ponder. There was something I didn’t agree of my husband’s friend’s statement. I didn’t agree that a man shouldn’t show his sorrow and shouldn’t cry. I just feel that a man as if made from iron and wire like a robot that didn’t have feeling at all. In fact, the same as women, men could face a similar situation. Death, pain, loss, and various other things that can make a man feel sad. And all of them need a way to express their feeling.

Talk about crying, I remembered one of David saying when he got deep distress. Let’s see what David said at the time. “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” (Psalm 56:8) At the time, the Israelites were using a bottle as a container for water or milk. Other than that, there was a unique culture that comes from Egyptians where they contain their tears into the bottle and then put it on the grave of their family or brethren as an expression of their grief. Well, I will not talk about the culture but I want to talk about David’s word.

We all know very well who David was. Though David was a man who was brave facing the lion, a man who was very brave against Goliath and successfully defeated him, and finally become a king, it turns out, he didn’t ashamed to cry. Why David crying? At that time David was under great pressure because besides being on the run to be chased by King Saul who was jealous with him, he faced another danger of entering the enemy territory of the Philistines in Gath and he was arrested. In the stressful situation, David didn’t look that crying is something shameful to do. He cried just because his mind was depressed but not because he weak. David cried not because he was afraid. Let’s take a look to the following verse,

When I cry out to You, then my enemies will turn back; This I know, because God is for me. In God (I will praise His word), In the Lord (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid….” (Psalm 56: 9-11)

These verses are proof that even though David cried it doesn’t mean he became weak and afraid and his faith remained strong. Although he was crying, David remained steadfastly surrendering his life to God, and still fully believed that God remained with him.

So, whether a man shouldn’t cry? Is crying a symbol of Men’s weakness? My dear readers, allow me to take all of you to reflect on these three things.

First, in my whole life I have never found a rule of life or laws that forbids a man to cry or crying for a man is a disgrace! There’s no single verse in the Bible stated that a man shouldn’t cry. Even Jesus was crying (Luke 19:41) My husband said that, “Crying is how your heart speaks the pain you feel when your lips can’t” So I say firmly, there’s nothing wrong if a man cries and a man doesn’t need be ashamed and feel weak when he cries. The important thing is, when a man cries, his faith doesn’t weaken. David was crying because he was totally under pressure but didn’t mean his faith weakening. At that time David still believed God was by his side. The wrong one is, when a man crying then it makes his faith weaken, weaken his mental, and made he didn’t dare to face all the problems of life.

The second, Actually God doesn’t require us to pretend to be strong even though inside of us are broken. He knows suffering is painful, and for that He is ready to be with us through those painful time. God doesn’t forbid us to have sad feeling. God doesn’t scold us when we crying. My husband’s friend just lost his beloved father. God Himself also definitely understands very well what it feels like to lose. God knows it feels hurt because He also experienced hurt when He let His only begotten Son died to redeem our sins in the cruel ways.

The third, crying because our suffering and sadness isn’t a waste thing. Why? Because actually God know every single teardrop that flows from our eyes. God really understands the tears language which expresses unbearable suffering and bitterness of life. Not only understand, God also collect and record every single of our tears as David said. “… Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” (Psalm 56:8) This verse shows us one important thing that God actually never leaves us alone. Even when we feel like “abandoned by God”, indeed, God doesn’t leave us. God is on collecting and taking note every tears of our crying and as if He said, “My child, I will never leave you alone…Please be patient… Just a little more time will be fulfilled and I will declare my glory”

My beloved readers, through this post allow me once again to express my opinion that there’s nothing wrong at all if a man crying. Crying isn’t a taboo thing for a man. Crying isn’t a symbol of weakness of a man. Beside mind, character, intelligence, and feeling, God also give man tears. As long as a man has feeling, same as a woman, when the lips isn’t able to speaks, crying is a good way to express our sorrow. Crying is the way our heart speaks. But… We must remember that behind our weeping there’s still strength in us. Behind every single teardrop there’s still a firm faith, there’s still strong trust that God will never leave us alone. We have to always remember God’s promises,

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. (Revelation 7:17)

Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. (Luke 6:21)

At the end of this post, I long to encourage all of men that there’s nothing wrong at all if one day you have to crying and there are compelling reasons why you cry. Not just for women, crying is something normal and humane. Don’t ever feel ashamed to express your feeling through crying. Crying doesn’t mean weak. Cry if it can make you relieved and the burden on you is lighter. But let me remind you one thing, don’t be a whiny man. Like David, keep strong, still have firm faith, and keep trusting God that He will wipe every of our tears as He promises, He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4) Amen.

 

Karina Lam – Living by Faith

Image source: themanmodern.com

 

 

Behind the Sadness

 

Hello dear readers!! It’s me again. How’s you going? I hope and pray everything is going well with all of you. My post this time isn’t a new post. I wrote it a year ago but has never been posted before. I hope and pray this post could be a blessing to all of us.

Not many people know that I’m a melancholic woman. I have a very sensitive feeling. I’m easily moved and sad. My tears easily drop when I see something really touched my heart such as sad movie or story. Many people argue that someone who easily touched, sad, and crying is a weak people. Well, I don’t agree with this opinion. People who are sensitive or easily sad aren’t necessarily a weak person. Sadness is a thing that couldn’t be separated from our lives.  No matter how good we organize our lives, still, there’re times we’ve to feel sad and should to cry. A simple example, we could be feeling sad and crying caused losing someone who we really love. My dear readers, through this post allow me to discuss about this topic. Let’s see what God’s word says about sadness.

Indeed, the Lord doesn’t want us to be people who are full of sadness but instead wants His children to be full of joy to completely feel His love and cares. Yet, as I said before at a time unavoidably, like it or not we should get into the sad time and situation and we even cannot avoid it. There’re many verses in the Bible which strengthens us to go back to feel joy when in difficult conditions, under pressure or when oppressed, but God’s word also said that:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance… (Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 4)

There’s a bible verse that sounds very controversial and opposed with the strengthen verses. Begin with the passage: “The Value of Practical Wisdom” It’s written:

Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better. (Ecclesiastes 7:3)

This verse was written by the most wise man who ever existed in the world, Solomon! But, this verse seemed pretty weird. This verse as though has a meaning suggest us to be sad because will be better than to be happy. Is that true? Does God want us to be people who are often filled with sadness? Does God want us to be person who always have grim face and cheerless? Furthermore, let’s say God allows us to feel sorrow, what’s benefit for us? If any, what are they?

Essentially, God doesn’t want all of us to be in a prolonged sadness. He gives so many tips and promises that can affirm, strengthen and restore us into a sense of happiness, full of peace and joy. But once again, there’re times we’ve to be sad and it isn’t wrong as long as we could handle it very soon and not make our relationship with God frays. Well, it turns out, based on my experience, there’re positive things we can learn and it all will make us become stronger, wiser and better than before. After took quite long time to ponder this verse, I finally conclude that this verse break a paradigm that we absolutely shouldn’t grieve no matter the situation and condition. So that means, although we have to live joyfully and peacefully, if one day we must be sad, just be sad because through our sadness we could learn something positive and it will makes us better in the future and finally will bring happiness to our heart.

My beloved readers, let’s take a look to the next verse of Ecclesiastes 7. This following verse also looks so weird.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure. (Verse 4)

Let’s to be honest, where we like to be, at the house of mourn or in a festive party? Of course we would prefer want to be in the party. There’s no sadness there. We just happy and enjoy the delicious foods, drinks, and other. But God’s word says the opposite. The fool is in the house of pleasure and the wise is in the house of mourning.  This verse will be difficult to accept but let’s take a look why being at the house mourning is better than the party house. Let’s think about the true meaning of this verse.

For an example, let say, we are in the festive birthday party. What we think about while we are in that party? I am pretty sure when in a party we don’t think about important and essential things of our lives. Probably we don’t ponder and think hard the way out of problems we face. We will dissolve in the festive spirit and we will busy involved in chat with friends or relatives. Now, in the house of mourn. Being in the house of mourn often brings the moment of reflection for us. Maybe we will think and ponder that life is short, maybe we will think about of our own lives whether we are ready if one day God calls us home to the Father’s home. Or maybe we will think weather in our lives we have pleasing God? The point is being in the house of mourn will usually remind us and bring a reflection for us and make us wiser. This’s the essential significance of the verse.

I reminded of David’s word that was written in Psalm 119:71 and in my opinion still related with the verses in the Ecclesiastes. David said,

” It is good for me that I have been afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.”

David didn’t use his hard time as an excuse to be weak, to be disappointed to God, desperate, hopeless, and so on. He even felt that it was an opportunity to explore deeper about God’s statutes, learn more than before, and made it as moment to feel God’s touching extraordinarily.

Many people around me often said that I’m a woman who has never experienced trouble and sadness. Oh no! That’s totally wrong! Like other women I also often sad and cry, I often experience the pressure of the hard problems, even I’ve experienced being at the lowest and hardest point in my life. But in that very bad condition I was always reminded and strengthened by that verses. There’s a time for everything.  When I have to weep and cry in sorrow, that does not mean God is being cruel and having fun torturing me. Precisely for me, at that moment the Lord is forming me be strong and resilient. The hard situation teach me to be wiser and closer to God.

My dear friends, what about us now? Weather we are in “sad” season? If yes, this time I encourage all of us not to be discouraged and do not despair. Don’t waste our sad time just by moaning and crying but let’s use those time reflect thoroughly. Once again, please trust me, based on my own experience, there’re many valuable lesson we can learn behind our sadness.  Please be grateful because behind our suffering and sorrow, realize that we’re being formed and transformed to be stronger and wiser person. Through the difficult season we will experience spiritual and faith growth, learn more about God statutes, learn to always rely on God’s power more than anything. There’s a time for everything! Let’s put our faith on it and totally trust to God that in God’s time, He will lift all of our sorrow and change it to relief, joy, peace and happiness. Amen

Karina – Living by faith

Image source: thedailyverses.blogspot.com