Archive | May 22, 2013

Ups and Downs as a single daughter

lonely 2 blog anBecause I was an only child (single daughter), I was interested to post an article about the ups and downs of being a single daughter. But this article is not a psychological analysis or scholarly essay. I just wanted to share what I felt.  Many people think that being an only child is fun because I will be very spoiled and sometimes treated very special in the family.  Well, actually the opinion or thought it was not entirely true. Sometimes or maybe often I have uncomfortable situation as a single child.

Every parent has a reason why they only have a single child. There are two reasons; first, for the some reason is it was planned. And the 2nd reason is for the some reason as well, the presence of a single child was not planned. So, what about me? I am being a single daughter just because the first reason. From the beginning my parents had planned just want to have one child. Well, I would like to say so sorry can’t tell what the reason is. (Sometimes I feel it is unfair-reason)

Ok, now I would like to talk about advantages and disadvantages being a single child. I will look from two sides. From parents side and from the child side itself.  First, let’s we look from the parents’ side. Mostly, parents who have one child doesn’t have big material burden compared with parents who have more than one child. This is one advantage of the parents. They do not need work too hard to comply the physical needs of their child. Economically, they aren’t need very large cost like living cost, school expense; daily cost, etc. It will be very different from parents who have a two or three child. Given the fact this means that a family or parent who has a single child is much more profitable than the parents who have many children.

 Next, let’s look to the disadvantages. So far, based on my experience in my family there is no big and significant problem on my parents. Even more my parents always busy with their business. If any, it’s only a matter of family atmosphere. I must admit that the home environment became so quiet. House environment not becomes lively. That’s it. In my family, this problem can be solved by as often as possible spend time together to take a traveling, shopping, dinner at our favorite restaurant, or just make a fun time at home. But I want to tell something that it all does not solve the most fundamental and crucial problem next.

Well, that is advantages and disadvantages from the parent’s perspective. Now, what about the child side?  Once again, I must admit that become a single daughter I was treated very special, I was very spoiled, got special privilege, and they are (my parents) even always fulfill what I want. (I don’t mean to be haughty, just a little example, my parents ever offered me a luxury condo as my birthday gift just because I said  that’s a beautiful condo). My parents always try to makes me comfortable in every circumstance. They treated me like a princesses. I think it’s a normal way. Because as a single daughter I becomes a precious treasure.

And, here’s my big problem…! Because they are treated me with a very special way, without my knowing,this affects to my personalities. There are two trait of a single child. First, it will become spoiled, arrogant, egocentric, antisocial and not popular. The second is, have an enclosed personality, sensitive, anxious, and pulling out from social relationship. To be honest, I have experienced it all around two years when I was in junior high school.  I could be the most annoying person, selfish, very arrogant, always underestimate to everyone (particularly to people who are not wealthier than me), I became an undeniable person, and the worst thing is, I HAVE NO FRIENDS…!!!

This is a horrible thing in my life…!!  I feel estranged, I was living in my own world and eventually I felt alone and lonely. This is the biggest problem that I faced. Much less, when I need to talk or share something important, I haven’t anybody except my parents (with notes, my parents are not busy). When my parents in a business traveling, I just stay with my nanny and that’s where I felt deeply alone and lonely. I do not feel ashamed to say that I often crying in my bedroom just because I am deeply alone and lonely. I live in loneliness and all the luxuries that I have totally meaningless. I could only pray and crying to GOD. (Fortunately, my parents my parents gave me a very strong religion education and I really grateful with it)

A brief story, soon I realized, I should to overcome that horrific problem and soon I also should change my mindset, my life style, and my behavior. But  it is not so easy. I have to struggle to be humble, learn to accept and respect others,learn to listen and accept other people’s opinions,learn not to be a selfish, learn to socialize, and learn many things of life aspect. I feel like a newborn baby. I have to learn from the beginning, like a baby just learning to crawl, I learn many new thing that I’ve never experienced and do before. And the biggest step for me to become a better person is, I told to my parents to stop spoiling me with all the luxuries and privileges and I want to be treated as an ordinary single daughter. And when I was in senior high school I decided to stay at the school dormitory. I want to learn be an independent person. Not always depend on my parents. I am aware that there are consequences of decision that I took. There is a price to pay. Slowly but sure I build my own life with my own best way. I am grateful to GOD that always lead and guide me to become a better person. And then I changed. I have many good friends, an I have tremendous  personal life. Until now I still learn about how to become a better person and not depend on someone. I am Happy with my own life now.

Well buddy, that’s my story. I realized it might not a good story or article. I am not a good writer. Like I said before, I just want to share a little part of my life. Especially my life as a single daughter. So if you think that being a single daughter is very nice and beautiful, I would have to say “It’s not entirely true. Because in other hand there are many unpleasant things even horrible that everyone doesn’t know.

when I feel alone, I only remember one of the most faithfully friend,

He always listen my grievance unconditionally, He wiped my loneliness tear into a hope of joy

He fulfill my emptiness with His loving kindness  and hugged me with lasting warmth,

God,  thank you for being a true friend, when everyone was gone and  when  the silence came over,

You always be with me, cheer me up with your unconditionally  warm and tender love and affection.

Warm Regards,

Karina Susanto

 

 

A Silent Love

From the very beginning, the girl’s family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family’s pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: “How deep is your love for me?”

As the guy is not good with his words, this often causes the girl to be very upset. With that & the family’s pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endures it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: “I’m not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I’ll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?”

The girl agreed, & with the guy’s determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leaves, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it’s hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice……

The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents’ comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,…..it’s still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart every time it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phone calls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying….

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he’s back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn’t anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy’s wedding. The girl was shattered. When she opened the letter, she saw her name in it instead.

When she was about to ask her friend what’s going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her “I’ve spent a year’s time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I’ve not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

Five More Minutes

ady413_0While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground.  “That’s my son over there,” she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.  “He’s a fine looking boy” the man said. “That’s my daughter on the bike in the white dress.”

Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. “What do you say we go, Melissa?”  Melissa pleaded, “Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes.”  The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart’s content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. “Time to go now?”

Again Melissa pleaded, “Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes.”  The man smiled and said, “OK.”  “My, you certainly are a patient father,” the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, “Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I’d give anything for just five more minutes with him. I’ve vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa.  She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch her play.”

Life is all about making priorities, and family is one and only priority on top of all other, so spend all time you can with loved ones.

Photo source : www.sustrans.org.uk

Who or What do we love more?

Father and child sunset silhouetteA man was polishing his new car; his 4 yr old daughter picked up a stone and scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious Man took his child’s hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw her father, with painful eyes he asked ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?’ The man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His daughter had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’.

Remember, Anger and Love have no limit.  Always remember that “Things are to be used and people are to be loved”.  But the problem in today’s world is that “People are being used & Things are being loved”.

http://www.moralstories.org

Photo credit : www.orangeparents.org